Steve’s family…

Steve and Fiona (she prefers to be called Fi) met about a year ago at the beginning of lockdown. They live quite close to each other, but Steve is a long way away from where he grew up. Despite the awkward rules of lockdown, their relationship has developed and become quite close. In more normal times Fi would have met Steve’s family over the weeks and months, and got to know them. Because of the current situation that hasn’t happened. Steve’s (large) extended family always gather for Christmas, so the plan this year is that she will travel home along with Steve, and she will get to meet the family – hopefully we should all be allowed to meet normally by then!

It sounds to me as if it could be a little bit intimidating for Fi. To meet the family bit by bit is ok, but to meet 25 of them all at once…..

Steve and Fi have grown very close over the last year, and it is a real relationship with depth; they haven’t just ended up with each other because there was nothing else on offer. They are close – devoted to each other really. I’m sure that together they will survive the ‘meet the family’ ordeal that is coming their way.

I imagine that Steve will stick close by her, and watch out for her at the Christmas gathering. She’ll be quite glad of that, and in her heart will probably be looking forward to just getting a bit of time on her own with Steve, if that’s possible in the middle of it all. But if all goes well, and it should, she will bond well and easily with his family.

Wouldn’t it be odd though, if Fi got on so well with Steve’s family, that her closeness to him began to wane? It would be weird if she became more interested in meeting his family than she was in being with him.

Since she met Steve she has become quite aware of what he likes and dislikes. Her behaviour has changed over the months as she has subconsciously moulded her character and attitudes to match with his to a degree. Wouldn’t it be odd if now she was more concerned about moulding herself into Steve’s family and ended up closer to the family and less close to him? Her conversation used to be about Steve, now it’s about his family. She used to look forward to being with Steve, now she’s just as happy to be with his family instead.

If you could say something to Fi, what would it be? Something like, “what happened to your first love?”

Now that’s a familiar phrase….

In Revelation Ch 2 Jesus says to the Church in Ephesus in essence, “what happened to your first love?” They used to love Jesus, but now they loved doing and being church more than they loved Him. Their conversation used to be about Jesus, but then it became about Church. They used to look forward to meeting Him, but then they settled just for being with each other. They may well have prayed the prayer “be with us Lord as we ……” (That’s the prayer that often means, ‘we’re going this way Jesus; would you like to come?’). They had forgotten the prayer that says “Where do you want to take us now Lord?”

It’s easy to fall in love with Jesus and then give our lives to the busyness of church or to the importance of being a Christian. (I know; I’ve been there). Don’t misunderstand me. The Church is vitally important. It is literally Jesus body manifested here on earth. But, in all of this, Jesus is to be our first love and to remain our first love. Our Number One love. Our connection to Him and our love for Him is the primary thing. Everything else flows out of that; especially Church.

If we want healthy churches, then the answer is to connect people to Jesus and keep them connected, not letting anything else become a substitute. Then, even when times are hard, even when church is not available, they will continue to flourish – because they still have Jesus as their first love.

Just as Steve never dreamt that his family should take the place of him in Fi’s affections, neither did Jesus desire that anything or anyone else should become more important in our lives than our love for Him. The challenge is to keep the main thing as the main thing. Jesus is our first Number One Love.