The Wall

Have you ever run into a wall? It would be painful, right?

I once walked into a plate glass door. I was working late in a church building. It was late and well after dark. I turned off the lights and put on the alarm ready to leave. I walked across the auditorium towards the exit lobby. The lobby had a plate glass door leading into it which I had left open (or so I thought). Turned out it was closed. I walked into it full speed and ‘blam’. There was an explosion of shattered glass and I was on the floor, stunned and bruised; my mind racing trying to work out what had happened. To walk into a wall would be even more painful still I imagine.

In our Christian life however, there is a wall that we can walk into that is so soft that we may not even notice that we have walked into it. We are not injured in any way, and the only effect is that we cannot go any further. And it’s not a wall put there by the enemy, nor by this fallen world that we live in. It’s a wall that we put there and now it blocks our way. And often we don’t realise that it’s there.

This may or may not apply to you, but here’s what I see sometimes – in myself and in other believers.

For me, there are two main materials that I have used to build the wall. The first is a misunderstanding of grace, and the second is comfort. Let me explain.

I know that Jesus has forgiven me completely, has taken away all my sins – those I did before I met Him, those I have done since and those I will yet do. I know that He loves me, I know that He is for me and not against me. I know that He accepts me, that I am permanently joined to Him and that He (out of choice) is permanently joined to me. I know that I am secure.

I also know that there have been times when, because of what I know of His Love and Mercy and Grace, I have lulled myself into an attitude of being a little bit casual at times – forgetting the verse which says “be holy, even as I am holy”.

I can still remember the first time I read that verse. It was a dark winter evening on the bus home from work. I was profoundly impressed by the Holiness of God for the next half hour. I was on a bus full of people chattering and laughing, and although I was vaguely aware of them all around me I was locked in this powerful bubble with God and a powerful sense of His presence. I knew then that His holiness was not a distancing thing; not something based on rules and unapproachability. His Holiness was beautiful, powerful, attractive and at once silenced every voice that would clamour against it.

When I allow a casual attitude to His holiness I build a wall – a wall that is soft and imperceptible. But it’s a wall that I cannot pass. In Isaiah chapter 35, Isaiah talks about God’s plan of redemption (a plan which we are taking part in) and he goes on to talk about “a highway of holiness” and says that “fools will not go about on it”. Sometimes I allow my thinking to become foolish. That builds a wall, and my path is blocked.

The other material for building a wall is Comfort, or the attachment to comfort. So there are things God asked me to do that cut across my desire for comfort. For years I found it hard to share the gospel or at times even disclose my relationship with Jesus because it would make me feel uncomfortable. What would they say? What would they think of me? What if they weren’t interested? What if I felt foolish? I built a wall based on my comfort. Beyond that line I could not pass, so long as my comfort was more important than anything else. It was only when I decided to put my desire for comfort to one side and speak anyway that I found that, a) people were more open than I had thought and b) the wall that I had built collapsed and melted away and I could move on.

For some people the “comfort wall” is about physical comfort and not wishing to sacrifice that for a while, or financial comfort or the comfort of friends. Whatever it is, it can become a wall that blocks further progress.

How many believers have a sense of calling, a sense of destiny, and are frustrated because they never seem to get there. And it’s because they have built their own wall that they now cannot pass. At least they cannot pass it until they recognise the wall and decide they no longer want it.

The wall may be soft so that you don’t notice when you come up against it, but it’s real and it’s a barrier to fully enjoying the adventure that Jesus wants to go on with you, and with me.